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Friday, May 15th, 2009
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1:20 pm
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Well, that's that then. My first real publication has been sent out to the editor. It will appear some time next spring. So despite being underemployed and overstressed, at least my scholarship is going well.
I really wish I had time over the summer to work on my next paper idea, but alas, no such luck as I'll be working my weird Sylvan hours plus packing for the move.
Oh yeah, never got around to posting about that. The boy got a job as a math professor at Xavier University in New Orleans, so we are off to the Big Easy at the end of July. At least it will be a more interesting place to be unemployed.
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| Monday, April 27th, 2009
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6:21 am
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Had a wonderful weekend. Got to see an old friend and had wonderful times.
And after tomorrow, the madness that has been the preparation for the most recent campus interview will be over. The entire process has been a bit frustrating and crazy, but it's a great opportunity. And I really need the work. But I am kinda excited. I mean, at least, unlike my present university of employment, a place with a vision and a plan for the future. An ambitious plan, sure, but at least it is a university with a direction.
So now, its off to teach, then drive to the airport, then fly to Virginia. Attempt to sleep and then interview all day Tuesday.
I must remain calm and confident. I can rock this!
Wish me luck!
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| Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
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6:52 pm
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It's really wrong to complain when one is invited for a campus interview, and I am thrilled. But calling me at 11:30 this morning and wanting me to be there Tuesday of next week. And to make flight arrangements in this window. Not entirely cool.
I was actually at a point where the rest of the week seemed very manageable, but now I have to prep for an interview so it will be back to the crazy busy again. Oh well, it is a glimmer of hope. And I really do need to focus on that and not let the logistical craziness of it all get me down.
And I'll feel better about it once I actually purchase my ticket so then I start doing things like finding someone to cover my classes and thinking about packing.
OK, so now, off to send more letters of application because the process, it never really stops.
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| Thursday, March 12th, 2009
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7:37 pm
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Rewriting papers to be read orally. V. annoying.
People asking for copies of paper at a conference. V. good.
Trying to decide if one is getting sick or just responding to cold snap. V. perplexing.
Having tutoring students actively distressed when you are not there to tutor them. V. fulfilling.
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| Sunday, February 22nd, 2009
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9:22 am
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Did not get the job in upstate NY. Am coping.
On the plus side, got to work on a paper yesterday, which was fun. And then Mardi Gras parade! (Only Natchitoches style, so no fun nudity, but what do you do?)
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| Sunday, February 8th, 2009
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2:37 pm - Terry is dead
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I have killed my beloved car that I have had for ten years. Thursday night I smashed the hell into the rear end of a parked car. Thank god no one was in it. Didn't damage the other car too bad, and in any case I have liability. But my car...oh dear. Both airbags inflated. The passenger side airbag hit the windshield and cracked the hell out of it. The collision shattered my driver's side window. And then the front side panels and the fender are shot. Plus I think there is some damage to engine as my car is now sitting in a puddle of coolant. The exploded airbag fucked up my power steering. Yeah, it's not exactly totaled as the damage is confined to the front of the car, but it is as close as matter for such an old car.
Boy and I have decided that it is probably not worth repairing a ten year old car with almost 140K miles. Which is probably true as the blue book value is something like 1000 dollars and I know I have many times that much in damage.
So it means I'm going be able to drop those few pounds I wanted to as I will be doing an awful lot of walking over the next few months. Fortunately, I can ride to school with Jay and walk home and I am only about five blocks from my second job, so this is totally manageable. The only tricky part is the two trips I have to make to Dallas to catch planes, but fortunately car rentals are not too bad right now. And I can only pray that I get a decent job next year so that if I have to buy a car, I can actually afford one.
Oddly enough, I'd been thinking that it was stupid in a town the size of Natchitoches for Jay and I to have two cars (plus he doesn't like my driving anyway --no real surprise there-- and so we mostly use his car when going anywhere). So now I have sorta cornered myself into being more environmentally conscious. Hey, whatever works. And actually, I'm kinda at peace with it (of course, that could have an awful lot to do with the massive breakdown I had following the wreck--kinda got it out of my system).
And damn, those airbags do some damage to your skin when they explode on it.
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| Wednesday, February 4th, 2009
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9:16 am - More Good News!
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Got a call yesterday from another school and have a phone interview tomorrow afternoon. It is nice to be wanted. Unfortunately, I also got yet another letter that announcing that a search at a school I rather wanted to teach at has been called off because of budget issues (which is annoying because the letter rather strongly implied that I would have been seriously considered had the search continued).
It is so hard to focus on the job I have when I other possibilities are in the air. Particularly since I don't feel terribly appreciated at the job I have (which is not exactly anyone's fault and more a consequence of budget issues).
On the plus side, I like the tutoring gig. It keeps me usefully busy and gives me some motivation, so that is good.
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| Sunday, February 1st, 2009
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10:22 am
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Well, the interview went fantastically. It's weird, but I actually feel like I did everything that I could do and showed myself off to the best possible advantage. So, in a way, even if I don't get the job, I've won a personal victory. Actually, the day as a whole was fun--I actively found myself feeling joy and being pleased at points during the day--which is almost novel at this time in my life. But I'd really like the job and I will be hearing in two weeks. So now the challenge for the next two weeks is to keep myself very busy so that I don't have to think about it and spend time second-guessing myself, especially since there is nothing to be done about it anyway.
I liked the campus and the students. The faculty, even the ones not on the search committee and thus not required to be positive and sell the place, actually seemed very happy and to get along very well. Which is exciting and, as I have discovered, not always a feature of all faculties. I could actually see myself being happy there. The students aren't the strongest in the world, but they definitely seemed a little more together than the students where I currently teach. And, really, at this point, I just want a job with a salary that I can live on and some damn health insurance. Because my body is seriously starting to fall apart and at present I can't actually afford to fix any of it. Which is a terrible way to approach things, but with the economic situation, I ain't gonna be getting hired where I am now any time soon, so I'm gonna be leaping at opportunities.
In sum, interview went better than any interview has ever gone for me before. I was energetic and with it, but very controlled. Definitely presented myself well, so now the ball is in their court.
Thanks to one and all for the prayers, wishes, and energy. They really helped me be the best that I can be. And for that, I am endlessly greatful.
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| Monday, January 26th, 2009
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6:59 pm - Update...and a request
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Well, damn, it has been awhile. SO let's see what is new in the land...
1) The Friday before the semester began I find out (BY CHECKING MY COURSES ONLINE) that because of budget cuts I have been cut from three sections of fine arts to only teaching one. When I email for clarification, my supervisor lamely mentions that he was planning on telling me. Three days before classes begin.
2) On the Monday of classes I get added to teach an internet section, which takes the financial situation from utterly dire to merely unpleasant. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to teach an internet section of a course. Fortunately, the online coordinator is an acquaintance of mine and also very helpful. But really, online courses--pretty much dumb. But hey, it's money and teaching, right. I mean, I suppose it is good for people who work weird schedules and want to go to school, but a lot of people take them that this one stipulation does not apply to. Also it means much grading that has to be done on the computer which is v. bad for the eyes.
3) Apply to other jobs. Attempt to convince people that I can work retail. Fail miserably. Luckily I get hired on to tutor 10 hours a week at Sylvan Learning Center. I mean, I'm tutoring actual children, but at least its educational and not boring. I start a week from today.
4) The last (or nearly so) of the job applications for a real teaching job next year have gone out. So here's hoping something will turn up.
5) I am attending three conferences this year. Where I am going to find the money to go to them, I do not know, but unfortunately I had already committed to two before the whole job loss thing. And the third is one that I simply cannot pass up--declining would just be very bad form. So the first weekend of March I will be talking about why we should study bad plays in Chicago; the third weekend of March I will be talking about parody and postrevolutionary French identity in Columbia, SC (but this one is also a guaranteed refereed publication in the proceedings afterward, so yippee!); and the first week of August I will be in New York working as a new play dramaturg at ATHE (the major theatre in higher ed conference that I have managed to not attend thus far and really need to get to to try to stake some kind of claim in this world of academia that I am trying to enter). Downside-- I had gotten a paper accepted at ATHE, but had to turn it down because of aforementioned job loss--(the new thing that came up simply demanded finding a workaround). So now I have to apologize to the people I turned down because I will actually be at the conference but not presenting for them--the only upside for me is that it was a kinda stupid paper that I didn't really want to write. So the plan for February--write MATC paper (fortunately, the second paper had to be submitted complete, so it is done)--oh yeah, and review some period philosophy and literature so I don't sound like an idiot in front of French Literature people at the Columbia conference. Do this, plus brush up on my oral French skills since some the papers will be in French, while teaching face-to-face, teaching online, and tutoring. OK, can do.
Somehow when compressed into digest form, the last three weeks look much less insane than they have felt.
6) In better news, I leave after teaching Wednesday morning to fly to Newburgh, NY to interview for an assistant professorship. If I got it I'd be teaching 3/3 plus directing and designing a show each semester and helping build up their program. They only have a minor right now and it is kinda English-lit heavy, so I think there is work to be done. I really want a job. And, I actually think that my generalist background would be good for this job--plus, they need someone with a lot of energy and the ability to combine academic and practical teaching--have done and can do. So I just have to be at my absolute best all day on Thursday and absolutely wow these people. I can that, right? Yes, I do believe I can (and actually, the past couple of days I have been feeling more and more confident about it and actually looking forward to the trip).
Only potential hang-ups. My flight there is from Alexandria, LA to Atlanta to Detroit to Newburgh--lots of stops meaning more ways for things to go wrong. Well, and my inimitable ability to screw things up when important stuff is on the line. It's kinda like how I tend to peak during rehearsal and then get all slack during the run of a show. I mustn't let that happen.
OK, enough self-indulgent babbling, but just thought I should bring an end to the radio silence.
Now to the request...prayers, positive thoughts, and energy would be greatly appreciated (both for good flying weather and no extreme delays...and more importantly, for me to wow them so's I get myself hired and get out of this adjunct hell) on Wednesday and especially Thursday.
OK, I feel strangely better now--perhaps communication rather than bottling everything up in my little LOuisiana house of doom actually does improve one's mood. Ah well,thoughts for another time.
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| Monday, December 22nd, 2008
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10:49 am - At last some good news
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I've been invited for an interview at a college in upstate NY. Of course, given that I live in the middle of nowhere, the travel arrangements are going to be interesting, but at least, it feels really really nice to be wanted.
Now drive to Texas and seven days with just me and my parents. It should prove interesting.
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| Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
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10:22 pm
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Dammit, why do I have to be sick on election night? I should be celebrating and instead I'm mainlining tea with honey and lemon. On the other hand,
YIPPEE! FUCKING A! HALLELUJAH! GO US!
I can't tell whether I want to laugh or cry, but I know this. This is good.
Also, am currently listening to McCain's concession speech. He is doing splendidly and acquiting himself honorably; his supporters a bunch of ill-mannered louts.
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| Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
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11:52 am - I hate this shit
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I cannot sleep right. My eating habits have gone haywire. By body is in rebellion against my mind and my miserable disorder is in rebellion against everything.
And I just found two typos in my cover letter templates. And, of course, I have already sent out a good number of letters featuring said typos.
Is it really too much to ask of the universe that I have a space and a time of uncomplicated happiness. Because I really can't remember the last time that was--probably one of the summers in Bloomington when I was reading plays all day and very much on top of things. Because quite frankly, right now I just wanna throw in the towel. I went straight from dissertation writing to job searching and honestly am not really enjoying much of anything about my life right now. I feel like I am putting in way to much effort in speculative enterprises that may or may not pay off. And, in all likelihood, because I suck at selling myself, will not actually pay off. So basically, I am putting in immensely long and stressful days, making myself sick with worry, to no greater purpose than being sick with worry. Which, unsurprisingly, is not actually very pleasant.
The childish part of me wants a fairy godmother to descend, wave a wand, a magically transport me into a job with benefits (so that I can actually get my illness under control) where I can teach and do research and live with my boyfriend. Although really at this point I would settle for two out of three. I just want this whole goddamn stressful process to be over, but instead I have another month and a half of this to deal with. And I am not pleased.
I got my damn Ph.D. I wrote the fucking book. And now it is not even going to be enough. I realize that I am being pessimistic, but recent history suggests that pessimism is probably the more realistic approach. And so I will continue being underemployed, continue stressing about how little I am contributing to my relationship, to my profession and to the world at large. And I will thus continue to hate myself.
I would laugh about it, except that there really isn't anything even bitterly amusing about the whole thing. Unless, of course, watching myself self-destruct is amusing--which it probably is from the correct aesthetic distance, but, alas, inside my mind is a bit too close.
I just want my joy back. I had it once--but it is so far gone I can't remember where I left it. And present circumstances are just carrying me further and further away.
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| Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
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8:37 am - Just to prove that I'm a huge dork...
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Book meme ganked from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) wolfgrrl
* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.
Basic Conversational French by Julian Harris and André Lévêque
"A quelle heure est-ce que le train arrive?
At what does the train arrive?"
Yeah, my French dictionaries and things all live on a shelf on my computer desk.
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| Friday, September 19th, 2008
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12:45 pm - Amusing image for the day
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One of the dukes of Oreleans in 17th century France was an unabashed homosexual. To enable himself to sleep with his wife effectively, and thus produce heirs, he used rosary beads as a cockring. As Lisa Hilton puts it, this lead to "a great deal of rattling under the blankets."
Now why don't they teach kids stuff like this in history classes in school. It might make them pay more attention.
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| Tuesday, September 9th, 2008
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10:21 am - It is finished.
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I just submitted the dissertation online. It is over. Now I must go prepare a casserole for dinner. Perhaps at some point I will even have the energy to celebrate.
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| Monday, September 1st, 2008
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9:30 am
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Well, a three day weekend has now become a five day weekend. The University has decided to cancel classes Tuesday and Wednesday on account of Gustav. No real surprise there, although it now looks like the storm is weaker and so Wednesday would probably have been OK.
On the plus side, it gives me a couple of good days to get work done, which is al I guess this means I need to bust my ass and get some work done. Well, and batten down the hatches because a storm is coming.
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| Sunday, August 24th, 2008
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7:27 pm
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Classes begin tommorrow, and as usual, I am a trifle nervous. It is just that one never quite knows what to expect from a random group of students. I'd taught fantastic classes and I've taught miserable ones just depending on the combination of personalities in the room. So there is always a little trepidation. Added to that, of course, is the fact that I have known that I was teaching this course for exactly ten days, and have only known what exactly I was supposed to be doing since Tuesday. Hence, I feel a bit unprepared. And facing 65 students at 8 AM is bad enough without feeling like I'm having to improvise.
I also rather loathe the official syllabus that I am require to use, which doesn't do much to help my mood. But for christsakes, this is a college class and a full 20% of the grade is attendance. Not participation, not doing anything, simply showing up. Which mostly annoys me because now I have no way to reward students for participating.
Also irritating--teaching the same course but on three different schedules--MWF, MW, and TR. Which is just a lot of mental juggling that I find tiring. But I am sure it will be fine once I get into the swing of things.
But, if I look on the bright side, I am gainfully employed in my profession (although pitifully paid, but that is the adjunct's lot anywhere). I get to back in front of the classroom. I get to teach some new material (and learn about some stuff I don't already know--I mean I'm teaching three weeks on music...me, the tone deaf wonder. Fortunately that unit doesn't come until November).
Well, hopefully things will settle down soon, as I need to get some mental space cleared out so that I can finish the dissertation and then start the glorious job application process. Which is a lot like whoring but without the advantages of getting to have sex.
Eh bien. I must just keep reminding myself, "Ca Ira!" Things will work out...and for the best, too.
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| Saturday, August 23rd, 2008
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3:27 pm - Things that make me happy
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Ethel Merman's disco album (no really, it's not exactly good, but it's definitely a trip)
Realizing that I do not, in fact, have to prep the entire semester now and that I can take a day to relax
Being prepared for the first day of class
Being able to translate a sentence into French without too much thought
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| Thursday, August 21st, 2008
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7:32 am - Now I realize why I am grateful that I don't dream
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Terrible sleep last night. Dreamt that my advisor died and for some bizarre reason I was having to deal with the body. Most unpleasant.
I dunno, perhaps if one wants to get analytical about it, I means that I am fearful about school finally ending, since once I turn in the final dissertation, I will no longer be a student, which has been the central feature of my life since I was five years old. So maybe I'm subconsciously afraid of that, which would make sense.
In better news, I signed a contract to teach four sections of fine arts survey for NSU as an adjunct. As always with adjuncting, the pay sucks and there are no benefits, but I get to be back in the classroom teaching something I am actually qualified (mostly) to talk about, so that should be good.
Also, I really must try to post more. Now that my life will not merely be revolving around me and my computer, I think it would be good to spend some time sorting through myself by writing.
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| Monday, August 11th, 2008
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3:56 pm - What does on do after a successful defense?
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Apparently, at least if one is me, one takes a nice nap..after which one feels fantastic and human and actually excited about having passed my defense. Now just complete my edits, turn in my paperwork and I will be Dr. Murphree.
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